Wise Business Leader Blog

Over the years I have noticed that people will agree with you or say that's right, or even nod yes when you are talking, but rarely actually do what you just talked about.  Sound confusing? For example, let's say that we have a long discussion about why you should always wear blue jeans.  Everyone agrees and even congratulates you on having such a great idea.  OK, so far. The next day everyone shows up wearing shorts.  You casually mention that the dress code was blue jeans.  They all look at you like you are crazy.  So what really happened here? 

First of all people don't hear all of what you said so that knocks your odds down by say 50%.  Next most people don't really believe it pertains to them unless they are looking for a solution within the bounds of what you talked about.  So of the 50% that heard you only 10% really thought it was a great idea.  Now of the 10% of the 50%, less than half will remember more than a few hours.  So by the next day you are lucky if a few people actually remember what you said and even those few will make a decision on what is happening right now, not based on your speech of last night.

Just to prove the point I made first, these are not really original thoughts.  I have read many books that all say the same thing.  For a few years I would read any self-help or leadership book I could find. I agreed with each one.  I didn't follow the advice of any of them until I made it my own.  That is what you will have to do as well.

We tend to beat ourselves up much more than we need to or should.  Have you ever thought that you could have done something better and than started all that negative self talk.  Something like ; I am an idiot, I am about to get fired, I should have stayed in bed, etc.

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Why waste all that energy.  I have enough people telling me I did something wrong without adding to it myself.  Look at it this way, everything is an opportunity to contribute and improve.  If you fill your head with all that self talk at least make it positive.  Congratulate yourself for what you accomplished and seek improvement for next time. If you are not blaming yourself, maybe you are the type that is blaming everyone else - again a waste of time and energy.

Or maybe, you can't understand what the heck they are talking about and can't blame or congratulate anyone.  Now you waste your time trying to guess what was meant. Sometimes I make sure that my interpretation is negative and then waste time with the blame game.  If I am really in a mood I can work up a good headache and be totally miserable for hours.  Now that should teach everyone a lesson.

This is how you get out of this negative trap.  Next time someone says something to you assume it was positive.  Even if it sounded negative, assume they made a mistake and really were trying to thank you for your contribution. Just the other day I had to humbly accept thanks from a user for destroying their file and losing hours of work. It was a stretch, but I managed.  Then I went in for the positive improvement asking how I could do better in the future.  Something about rolling up my procedure real tight and stuffing it somewhere - well I am sure I misunderstood.  I just smiled and passed on my thanks for their positive contribution.  See what a wonderful place this could be.